Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
