Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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