i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
