my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
