You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
