i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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