he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
