I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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