she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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