how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
someone owes me an orgasm
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
