In the future we'll all be gay
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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