I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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