Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
