I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This is my gift to your gina
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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