i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
