Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
