i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
