the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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