every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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