the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
