Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
