So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
