people are starting to question the shark bite story
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
