I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
