You work out of a Hotel?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
