Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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