Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
