My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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