he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
