I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We're too hungover to prance.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
