It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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