bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
