There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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