So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you made out with another girl for some wings
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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