My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
please come you make the beer taste better
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
