Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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