You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then my night got REAL pukey
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