i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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