i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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