Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Houston, we have a blender
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
