He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
