I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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