I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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