from now on my penis is your penis
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
