i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
