Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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