Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
