We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
