my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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