I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
