Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
